He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We need to get me chipped asap
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
