he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
