i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
