I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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