I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Even my vagina gasped.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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