My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
