If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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