So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
