your parents love me but you hate me
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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