I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
