went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
