dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
