I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
