Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
