maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
