Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
