There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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