So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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