I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
