I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
