Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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