OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
