the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
