My balls are so social today.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Even my vagina gasped.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
