At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
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