Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
