I can text with my tongue
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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