this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
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