just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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