Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
