you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
