So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
