It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
