yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
