I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
