I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
