She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
