They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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