giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I see more hoeing in ur future
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
