Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
