I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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