she told me i tasted like america
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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