Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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