You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
