ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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