Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
The maid of honor just puked.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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