So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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