You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
