Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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