New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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