We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
