So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
