Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
