My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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